...but I love cake

Recent Posts

Fish Crumble

Fish Crumble

I’m so excited!  I found a new blogger/vlogger to follow.  By Wednesday last week, I knew I was going to have a rough go with Freestyle.  I turned to my good friend Google for help.  I was looking for tips on the Freestyle program (so […]

Weekly Weigh In No. 2

Weekly Weigh In No. 2

Last week was the first week on the new Freestyle plan and I have to say I was not successful.  I DID track almost everything that I ate, buuuuuut I went over my points.  Daily aaaaand weekly…um, like…by A LOT…like -158 a lot. Here’s the […]

Weekly Weigh In No. 1

Weekly Weigh In No. 1

This past weekend marked my 16 week milestone with the Weight Watchers (henceforth shall be referred to as the ww, or ww).

Side note: I’m always tickled to see the way my writing changes if I’m updating at lunchtime on a work day opposed to my writing style outside of working hours.

I joined ww June 1, so it’s been more than 16 weeks in actuality, but I didn’t weigh in weekly as I should have.  That is why I’m just now hitting the 16 week mark.

I need a little extra accountability since I AM SUCH A SLACKER.  My goal is to hold myself accountable by checking in on my weigh in day (Sunday).  I should have dropped so much more weight at this point.  In all honesty, when I track my food and I stick to my points, the plan works.  I track about a quarter of the time and mostly lie to myself the rest of the time.  That has to stop. Otherwise, what is the point of this?

Outcome: I was up in weight this week.  Why?  Cake and fried chicken.  It was my birthday on Tuesday and I had some glorious cake and some (crispy) Korean fried chicken.  I didn’t track any of that.

Today also marked the release of the new ww plan called Freestyle.  We’ll see next week at weigh in (wi) how that goes.

Weekly Goals: TRACK EVERYTHING!!

My ww by the numbers:

Daily Freestyle SP:  38

Highest Weight: 300

ww Starting Weight (SW): 295.0

ww Lowest Weight: 276.5

Current Weight (CW): 287.0

Look at the Pretty Flowers

Look at the Pretty Flowers

I love flowers. Really, I love anything that can produce a flower.  Yes, even flowering weeds. I don’t care, as long as it’s pretty.  I grew up in a rural area.  My mom would spend her weekends going out with her friends “ditch diving”.  Let […]

My Dress Has Pockets and Pockets Are For Candy or Happy Birthday to ME

My Dress Has Pockets and Pockets Are For Candy or Happy Birthday to ME

I’m 36.  I don’t know how this happened.  I was in my prime and then BAM!  36. I’m going to roll with it.  It can’t be that bad.  I mean, sure, things are starting to slide downhill.  I have the foot pain.  I’m always tired.  […]

Assistance Needed in the Baby Aisle

Assistance Needed in the Baby Aisle

I don’t like children.  On the whole, I think they’re expensive, gross little petri dishes that ask too many questions.  Besides, FAT and PREGNANT is hard to pull off (unless you’re the amazing Tess Holiday — loooove her!!).

I remember, vividly, the first time someone asked me when I was due.  I was working as a dog walker in the West Lakeview neighborhood of Chicago, walking an ancient Golden Retriever, Sonny.  Some lady driving by, stopped and asked me when I was due.  I smiled, rubbed my full tummy and told her I was about 6 months.  I wasn’t pregnant.  I was just fat – and mortified.  I started my first blog that day.  Not Pregnant, Just Fat.  It was my first experience with blogging and WordPress, and I had NO IDEA what I was doing.  Needless to say, that fell very far to the wayside.

Fast forward ten years – I’m still not pregnant, just fat.

I didn’t really want children until I met Vince.  I can still remember when negative pregnancy tests were a relief.  After I met him, something odd happened to me – I wanted to have his children.  It was so crazy.  I wanted to make tiny humans with him.

We will have been married for three years in October.  When people ask when we’re going to start having children, I think I’m going to start responding by crying.  Maybe they’ll stop asking then?  Maybe???

Part of me feels like, my fertility is none of your business, but that’s not me.  My cookie cutter response goes something like this “We’re trying – it just takes some time.”  I hope it translates into “We’re both pushing 40.  Do the math!”  My favorite responses are “Stop stressing” “God has a plan” “It will happen” “Everything happens for a reason” “Are you sure you’re doing it right”

“Have you tried…”

a.  Missionary

b.  Getting drunk first

c.  Holding your breath underwater in the Caribbean while eating a peanut butter and jelly sandwich while doing an headstand

…I totally made C. up, but that’s the kind of crazy specific advice people give you when you’re trying to conceive.  It’s never personal experience advice either – it’s a third cousin twice removed who’s uncle knew a guy.  I know that they mean well, but sometimes it is a bit much.

Then it DID happen.

On March 17th, I pushed the button for assistance. You would think that the unassuming little button would alert the key toting Walgreens folk with discretion. Something less obvious than “Assistance needed in the baby aisle.”  Sigh…I should have known.  That should have been my sign.  The kid came and unlocked the case so that we could pick out the test, but we could only look at one at a time.  Apparently they have very strict rules with pregnancy test inspection at Walgreens.

I didn’t think I was pregnant.  I knew that I was late and that my boobs felt like two balloons that were ready to burst.  I was certain that I had cancer and I was dying – either that or it was early menopause.  After years of trying, how could it have been anything else?

Pregnant. I was happy and terrified at the same moment…mostly terrified.  I scheduled my first prenatal appointment – and then I started bleeding and the real terror set in.

The pregnancy was not viable, it was ectopic.  Two rounds of methotrexate, an emotional nightmare and many weeks of blood tests later, I was finally not pregnant again.

Still – not pregnant, just fat.

There were a couple of positive takeaways.  We can get pregnant naturally (yay!).  I was able to join Weight Watchers (yay!).

I’ve lost 18 pounds so far (I know I’m up a bit from hurricane Harvey) and we started trying again last month.

Hopefully next time it happens, I’ll be less fat AND pregnant!

HAPPY 2 YEAR BLOGIVERSARY!!!

HAPPY 2 YEAR BLOGIVERSARY!!!

It kind of feels like, my one year blogiversary just happened.  I mean, it kind of did.  Technically a year ago, even though I just posted about it a few months ago.  I love following the bloggers who can multitask.  Those magical creatures who can […]

Happy 1 Year Blogiversary!!!

Happy 1 Year Blogiversary!!!

I almost forgot – it’s my blogiversary (Okay, it was on Aug 15th, but better late than never – you know how that save draft button gets me)!!  Apparently, it’s a thing.  I didn’t know it was a thing.  I’m super excited about it anyway! […]


All Time Favorites

Weekly Weigh In No. 2

Weekly Weigh In No. 2

Last week was the first week on the new Freestyle plan and I have to say I was not successful.  I DID track almost everything that I ate, buuuuuut I went over my points.  Daily aaaaand weekly…um, like…by A LOT…like -158 a lot. Here’s the […]

Weekly Weigh In No. 1

Weekly Weigh In No. 1

This past weekend marked my 16 week milestone with the Weight Watchers (henceforth shall be referred to as the ww, or ww). Side note: I’m always tickled to see the way my writing changes if I’m updating at lunchtime on a work day opposed to […]

Look at the Pretty Flowers

Look at the Pretty Flowers

I love flowers. Really, I love anything that can produce a flower.  Yes, even flowering weeds. I don’t care, as long as it’s pretty.  I grew up in a rural area.  My mom would spend her weekends going out with her friends “ditch diving”.  Let […]

My Dress Has Pockets and Pockets Are For Candy or Happy Birthday to ME

My Dress Has Pockets and Pockets Are For Candy or Happy Birthday to ME

I’m 36.  I don’t know how this happened.  I was in my prime and then BAM!  36. I’m going to roll with it.  It can’t be that bad.  I mean, sure, things are starting to slide downhill.  I have the foot pain.  I’m always tired.  […]

Assistance Needed in the Baby Aisle

Assistance Needed in the Baby Aisle

I don’t like children.  On the whole, I think they’re expensive, gross little petri dishes that ask too many questions.  Besides, FAT and PREGNANT is hard to pull off (unless you’re the amazing Tess Holiday — loooove her!!). I remember, vividly, the first time someone […]